Posted by: Shavai | March 6, 2010

The Raw Food Recipe From Hell


You read it almost everywhere – raw food cohorts that advise you not to get too chummy with intricate recipes.  Being somewhat logical and having no domestic skills, I liken a recipe to a list of steps.  You keep doing one after another until it is complete.  So I figured I would find a good lasagna recipe that would provide meals for the entire week.  I found one with a picture of it, which I thought looked good. Was I ever wrong!

The reason I call this the raw food recipe from hell is it was posted in a blog with the comment that it could be done with an every day food processor.  WRONG!!!! This recipe requires seven items to be soaked for two hours before you can begin preparing it. Not a problem, I can go through 2 hours faster than anyone I know; my To Do list is extensive.  It was the shocking realization that my food processor was so out of it’s league it wasn’t funny.

Picture this…a person with no food preparation skill pouring soaked nuts into a food processor and watching them come almost to the top of it.  I had a major amount of other things that needed to go in there, not to mention being full to the top was not the optimum chopping arrangement.  I tried to process the nuts so other things could go into the processor, but even after being chopped up by the food processor, the paste was too thick to allow it to be mixed properly.  I know people commonly add water, but the other ingredients provided the liquid portion of the mix. I put in extra water out of frustration, but still ended up taking half of the mixture out of the food processor and putting in the other ingredients just to get them mixed. What I ended up with was a cashew cheese mix that was too thin.

I figured I’d do better with the next set of ingredients that needed to be prepared, but I had the same problem.  Too much ingredients, everything winding up not being mixed properly.  I had to get a huge bowl out so that after processing the halves I could put them together and mix them together by hand.  By the third set of ingredients I was on the road to livid.  Everything needed a new, bigger bowl to sit in after processing.

The other problem with this recipe was it had a TON of olive oil in it.  2 tablespoons, 1/3 cup, 1/2 cup and 3 tablespoons.  By the time I got to the final part which says to marinate the zucchini in 3 tablespoons of oil I had had enough.  I refused.  The zucchini went into the recipe as God intended it – raw.

By the time I had finished this concoction the heels on my feet were in so much pain I wanted to cry.  To be fair, I have no middle pain place.  Because of my neurological problems which supposedly stem from horrible carpal tunnel syndrome, I go from no pain to “where are the prescription drugs?”  Granted, I’m lucky that my pain threshold is so high. The bad thing is when it’s REALLY bad, there is no precursory warning.  It just is.  In that it was only my heels, I was able to put my legs up on the bed and use a back massager on them to calm the pain after I had the lasagna secured in the fridge.

The reason they hurt so bad was due to all the time I spent having to throw things in and out of the food processor.  This guy must have had a food processor the size of a Boeing 747.  When I finally DID get to eat a piece of this lasagna (it has to sit in the fridge for 2 hours), it just tasted mediocre.  I didn’t like the taste of the pesto.  I ate it not too soon before I went to bed as well.  I was starving and in too much pain to stand anymore so I ate it and tried to stay up as long as I could so it would digest.  Don’t know how it’s going to affect the weight, but I’m getting a bad feeling about this recipe.

All I had to eat today was my morning smoothie, a few carrots and celery sticks and the square of lasagna I had.  A very bad day for diet, but at least I was able to get in a 20 minute brisk walk around the neighborhood before I destroyed my heels.

Today’s stats:

Weight: 286.4
Fat %: 63.3
BMI: 50.7
Water %: 26.7


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